Draw up a sunlounger, pour yourself a blood-red cocktail (feel free to pause and stick two fingers up at the WHO), and pass us that parasol, because Hot Hag Summer has officially arrived.
We know that summer can be a love/hate thing for many. Hot sunny days can cause extreme melting, the scourge of chub rub and let's not even mention the havoc that humidity can wreak. Don’t forget to throw in insect bites, a persistently moist brow and underboob sweat. But every girl can be prepared for a hag-u-lous summer. Forget ‘lose the pandemic weight’ and ripping out your lady garden – we’re talking inclusive swimwear and books that are bringing down the penis-archy with science.
While we’ve provided some of our top picks below, achieving a hot hag summer of your own is easy. Simply slip on your best chub rub shorts and step out on the town like you just buried your third husband. Consider adding a cape for dramatic flair and some UV protection.
Hot Hag Summer
LISTEN
Feminist karaoke night
Clear those throats and prepare to screech like a banshee to these empowering songs. Keep the night going with the HEX playlist.
Lady Parts
The soundtrack to Channel 4 sitcom We Are Lady Parts includes relatable songs about sibling jealousy, being ghosted, and, er, hiding he-who-must-not-be-named under your headscarf.
All Killa, No Filla
Just what you need for summer – a podcast about serial killers.
It's a woman's world, so to speak
Our current summer anthem from Little Simz.
DO
Repel the male gaze by reading this book on the ‘phallacy’
That’s right – author Emily Willingham is here to put penises back in their place with science that challenges the toxic fallacy that they signal dominance and power.
Do some journaling with a WTF notebook
Because who DOESN’T want a journal to list ‘brilliant ideas I had while drinking wine’ or ‘evil plans and unicorn drawings’.
Volunteer for as little as 30 mins and help the End Sexism In Schools campaign research male-dominated school reading lists.
Celebrate getting vaccinated by filling out this survey to get to the bottom of whether the jab affects periods.
Honour a witch by taking part in this collaborative art project (buy here for £3).
WEAR
Don’t let your powerful, majestic thighs get in the way of summer. Invest in some brilliant chub rub shorts and banish the chafe.
Got Molke? Boob, body and breastfeeding-friendly stuff from Scotland.
Want that ‘goth and/or vampire surviving summer’ look? Consider a parasol.
Keep your PJs safe with these reusable period pads. Will you feel a bit like you’re wearing a cloth nappy? Yes. Will you care? Nope, because you’ll be sleeping like a baby.
EAT
To achieve your best summer body yet, go to your shelves and find any diet books lurking there. Eat them. Congratulations, your body is now ready for your bikini, kaftan, or ceremonial robes.
The HEX Science team
🧬Jean Splicer | ☢ Marie Fury | 🧠 Rorschach Tess | 🔬 Rosalind Frankly