It’s April, but we’re no fools
Arachnophobes, look away now
Ah, unwary lads! When on your quest for love, beware the Jorōgumo. A young and beautiful woman, she will invite you into her home, bind your limbs with silk... and then paralyse you with venom so she can pick your bones clean at her leisure. Why? Because she’s actually a spider who, at 400 years old, grew to the size of a cow, developed magical powers and learned to make fire-breathing spider babies to do her bidding. Up your game, Pennywise.
The myth of the Jorōgumo originated in Japan a few hundred years ago (it translates as ‘whore-spider’, and frankly, there are worse band names), and has now bitten the dust. However, there are plenty of modern-day fallacies spaffed around about women. Whether it’s that evil lesbian prisoners are a threat to society, that schoolgirls MUST wear skirts, or that women are stupider than men, this week we cheerily douse some myths in petrol and set them alight. Settle in, grab a match and join us.
And one last piece of advice from us to you: if you want sweet dreams tonight, don’t Google pics of Jorōgumo. Just...don’t.
Busting Myths (and Balls)
Get your eyerolls ready for our special debunkathon
Last week we salt-washed and scrubbed out the myth that women should replace their underwear every 6 months. And it got us thinking of all the other BS myths out there about women. So in honour of April Fool’s Day, we round up some more and kick em’ to the curb where they belong.
“Eating too much bread can give you a yeast infection”
No. You’re eating it, not shoving it up your vagina. In fact, your diet has fuck all impact on your vagina. While we’re on the topic of yeast infection, no yoghurt, tea tree oil or garlic in the vag, please.
“Women’s brains are wired differently!”
Allow us to rack our tiny lady brains. Ah, yes. A neuroscientist wrote a whole damn book on how this is utter nonsense and it might actually be gender stereotypes that influence how someone’s brain develops.
“Right, so to find a woman’s G-spot you…”
Hold it right there, Kevin. Repeatedly jabbing your fingers into a woman isn’t going to cut it most of the time. Although women’s sexual function has been chronically understudied, please allow us to tell you that the ‘G-spot’ probably does not exist. The idea of a universal, single spot that is a magic button for ALL women to orgasm should a penis come a-knocking… nope. The thing is, women are unique: some can orgasm vaginally and some can’t. C’est la vie. And for those who do, it’s likely because of their clitoris, which is SO much more than an external structure (as Helen O’Connell found out). In the meantime, dudes, stop focusing on finding a likely inexistent ‘magic spot’ and ask your lady what she likes, ok?
“There is no such thing as the pay gap”
Some men may trot this one out, but there is a shitload of evidence that the gap between men and women’s pay could rival the Grand Canyon. And men like to claim they’re better at maths than women, pfft.
“Well, women are only paid less than men because they’re weak at negotiating”
Look, Steve. Women are negotiating ninjas when given the resources and the opportunity to do so. Like, you know, knowing the average salary or how much their male counterparts are being paid. So just tell us how much you’re being paid for being less-competent than we are, ok? Steve? Steve?! Oh, he’s gone.
“Men are just better at science than women”
Fuck off.
TIT BITS
Keeping abreast of the latest news, views, and research
Won’t somebody think of the straight white men??!
Society has often posited female sexuality as a threat in many shitty ways – and if you’ve ever watched a crap prison drama, you’ll be familiar with one: the concept of the ‘dangerous lesbian inmate’. But did you know this stereotype was cultivated by anti-liberal state officials after WW2? Read here how the poor babes felt threatened by the impact of burgeoning lesbian culture (especially when it was “cross-race”) on white heterosexuality…which as we all know, is VERY FRAGILE INDEED.
Dr Google will see you now
At the first appearance of a strange rash or a mysterious pain, Google beckons. We all do it, even though it’s frowned on by some doctors as ‘cyberchondria’ (Googled it, totes have it). But new research suggests that checking symptoms online might not be as harmful as thought, as it may make people better at self-diagnosis and recognising the severity of symptoms. So click away … just stay away from Goop and similar garbage advising you to detox your vag, K?
“Pink brains” vs “blue brains”? Bollox
A new analysis of studies on brain structure and function concludes that there is little difference between men’s and women’s brains. In fact, the only consistent sex difference in three DECADES of MRI studies was size: men have bigger heads and hence slightly bigger brains (doesn’t make them smarter, though, sorry chaps). Neuroscientist Lise Eliot says “Brain differences between large- and small-headed men are as great as the brain differences between the average man and woman. And importantly, none can account for familiar behavioural differences between men and women, such as empathy or spatial skills.”
TO THE KRAKEN 🦑
Back of the class for sexist school uniform policies
Raising the ire of our size XXXXXL leviathan this week is the news that girls are still banned from wearing trousers as part of their uniform in some UK schools. “How is this still even an argument in 2021?” she was heard to bellow, as she picked her gnashing teeth with the bones of her past victims.
The kraken eschews clothing of all kinds, preferring to let her gargantuan nethers waft freely in the warm ocean currents, but she believes all beings have the right to wear clothes they feel comfortable in. Therefore, she will be summoning the offending headmasters to her study (lair) for a spot of aquatic re-education. Ms K isn’t angry, she’s just disappointed...
More things upending our lotus flowers this week:
Buzzfeed’s 21 sci-fi/fantasy books with powerful female protagonists | VaVaWomb's poem about loving your nips | Aristotle being ridden and whipped by a dominatrix | Women writing about men like bad male authors write about women | A periodic table of ace female chemists
The HEX Science team
🧬Jean Splicer | ☢ Marie Fury | 🧠 Rorschach Tess | 🔬 Rosalind Frankly