No, we don't want to hear about your diet
With the advent of 2021 comes the “new year, new you” mantras and weight-loss BS. Armed with actual science, we round up some of the main offenders and consign them to the fad diet bin. You’re welcome
By Rosalind Frankly
Oh 2020, you were a ‘mare for many reasons. But as the much-welcomed 2021 has rolled in, so too has the pressure to get fit and lose weight, with an annoying added “lose the pandemic pounds” angle. (Who’d have thought that hunkering down and staying in to protect lives, as well as dealing with hugely interrupted routines and stressful or distressing situations, might lead to some weight gain!? 🧐)
Not gonna lie, a lot of us are acutely aware that the pandemic has changed our bodies. And we may want to make some changes or efforts for our health (drink less, more sleep, move more, fewer takeaways, etc) – that’s cool. But what is not cool is the array of totally BS fad diets and pseudoscience that are shoved down our throats every January. Also not cool? That misguided trope that fat = unhealthy and slim = healthy. Yes, fat people exist, and yes, they can be healthy. Just as skinny people who are really unhealthy exist. So, whoever you are or however you may feel about food, bodies or life in general, sit down with your favourite snack and skim through our handy scientific guide to some dicks of the diet world.
Keto
Ah, the ketogenic diet and its army of rabidly devoted followers. I don’t care what you say, but shunning a fucking carrot for a buttload of melted cheese wrapped around a hotdog IS NOT a long-term viable (or balanced) diet. It was actually originally intended for people with severe treatment-resistant epilepsy (and it can work quite well in reducing life-threatening seizures). The jury’s still out on its usefulness for diabetes long term (these comments show that even medical professionals can’t agree).
But it is not a sensible long-term diet for most people:
Rapid initial weight loss seen with the keto diet is actually loss of “water weight” as water-rich glycogen stores are demolished by the body in response to lack of carbohydrates.
Ketosis is a starvation response. Some suggest that prolonged ketosis could lead to ketoacidosis and other impacts on the body’s natural homeostasis mechanisms.
Side effects include bad breath, constipation, overloading your poor kidneys (hello renal stones) and hepatotoxicity, among other things.
People who are prescribed a ketogenic diet for medical reasons need careful monitoring from a qualified dietitian.
It is difficult to adhere to long term, because of how restrictive it is. So weight lost will often come back.
My opinion? Keto needs to chill the F out and stop pretending that it’s a healthy or viable long-term way for everyone to eat, and the pseudoscience surrounding keto needs a long, hard look under the microscope (there are far too many doling out unqualified or inaccurate guidance, and that unfortunately includes some medical professionals).
Paleo
See above re keto. Also, in hunter-gatherer times, I’m pretty sure you’d eat whatever you got your hands on. They cared about survival, not how ripped they looked. Plus, while it might be hard to believe reading the drivel spouted by Insta fitness warriors, we have actually evolved in the last 3 million years (and carbs probably played an important part in this). And if we were “not meant to eat carbohydrates”, why did we evolve to produce carbohydrate-digesting amylase? Curious, indeed.
Zero five 100 challenge
Don’t even get me started on this. Who seriously thinks running 100 miles over 5 days on nothing but water to prove the “evils” of carbs is a good idea?! Nope, just nope. (Technically not a diet but included for sheer batshittery and questionable science.)
The “immunity diet”
For this quackery – a food plan that claims to protect you from COVID-19 – you are referred to this masterful (and swear-laden) review by the Angry Chef and Captain Science on the “immunity diet” that is being peddled by a man they label ”low-carb Einstein” (LOL).
Intermittent fasting
This is just a fancy way of saying “I am starving myself”. It really doesn’t make a lot of sense to routinely and deliberately ignore your body’s internal cues (e.g. hunger) during some arbitrary time window. You wouldn’t only go to the loo in an 8-hour period (“I am sorry bladder, it is 6:01pm and I am NOT allowed to relieve you”) so why do people think eating is the same? Handy reminder: routinely putting your body in starvation mode actually stresses it out. Plus, the widely purported benefits are not yet backed up by enough human science (plus long-term studies have seen high dropout rates). Please eat when you are hungry. You deserve it.
The alkaline diet
HAHAHAHAHAHA. If your body couldn’t control its own pH, you’d be super ill or super dead. Load of tosh. The bin awaits. And no, it doesn’t cure cancer.
Juice cleanses/detoxes etc
Juices and teas are yummy. But they are not a panacea of health or weight loss. If your body couldn’t detox itself, you’d be, er, super ill or super dead (deja vu, anyone?). You have kidneys and a liver to do all that handy detoxing, and guess what, they don’t have to pay Steve from Instagram a shitload of money to do it. Anything involving “cleansing” or “detoxing” is a load of baloney. It’s often just an expensive way to starve and/or shit yourself.
Noom
Lol, the diet that says it’s not a diet is indeed a diet, and will charge you ££s a month to find that out. The bin has room for noom.
SO IF ALL DIETS ARE SHIT, WHAT CAN I DO?!
Why do you even need to do anything? Evidence shows that fad diets don’t work long term. Just eat some food when you’re hungry, have a lot of variety in your diet and make sure you eat some plants. Listen to your body and remove morals from foods. Want a *gasp* “naughty” sausage roll? Eat it and move on with your day. Also, read The F*ck It Diet or similar, check out some of the super cool peeps mentioned below, and start living your damn life. It’s time to stop focusing so much on weight loss as the be all and end all of health. 💃🏻
People who are BS-free when it comes to eating
Laura Thomas, PhD, author of Just Eat It
Nutrition doc
Dr Joshua Wolrich
Anti Diet Riot Club
The Angry Chef (check out the blog Carbspiracy…)
Rosie Saunt and Helen West, authors of Is Butter a Carb?
Pixie Turner
Caroline Dooner, author of The F*ck it diet
Dr Emma Beckett (follow her Twitter for some amazing outfits 🤘)