In this freezing, locked-down February, bright spots have been rarer than us putting a bra on to go to Aldi. But the news that NASA’s aptly named Perseverance Rover has successfully landed on Mars warmed the hearts of space nerds everywhere. We at Hex Cavern clicked our heels in celebration at the number of women and people of colour visible in the control room. There’s still light-years to go for diversity in space science, but seeing an Indian-American woman, Swati Mohan, announce “touchdown confirmed” to a storm of whoops and fist bumps made us feel like our dreams of an intergalactic matriarchy are within reach…
If you fancy exploring the solar system, the European Space Agency recently announced it is recruiting new astronauts for the first time in 11 years – and encouraging applications from women and people with disabilities. If you have a Master’s degree in science and three years’ postgrad experience, you can apply from 31 March to be part of (wo)manned missions to the Moon and, one day, even the red planet. Men are from Mars, women are from Venus? Nah. We’re claiming the lot.
If space flight isn’t for you, how about flying through the astral void, untethered from your body, during a tantric sex ritual? Check out our feature to learn more about erotic artist and self-proclaimed witch Rosaleen Norton.
Then, sit back, relax, and let our tales of pig-women, womb wonders and dream defecation transport you to another realm...
Meet the Witch of Kings Cross
Orgies, obscene art, satanic rituals... artist Rosaleen Norton’s alleged typical Friday night activities raised more than a few eyebrows in 1950s Australia. But why was she so reviled? Was she really a witch? And will we ever think of C.S. Lewis in the same way again?!
Read our interview with film director Sonia Bible to find out why people in the 1950s got so hot under the collar – and why she deserves a second look in 2021.
TIT BITS
Keeping abreast of the latest news, views, and research
Weeee!
Move over prostate-specific antigen (PSA)-testing: it’s time for wombs to have their own screening test. Currently, women with suspected endometrial cancer have a biopsy to confirm or rule out disease. It ain’t no picnic, and nearly one-third have to go through it all again because of technical difficulties or pain (if there’s one thing better than a biopsy, it’s TWO biopsies, amirite?). Thankfully, a team has found a potential solution to screen who may actually *need* a biopsy in the first place, by detecting malignant cells in urine or vaginal fluid. Allow us to wee in excitement for future womb screening.
Stop! In the name of... art
Ever mislaid your mate on Facebook, only to realise she’s taken her husband’s name? Now imagine she was a well-known artist, and that she had F-all say in the matter. This piece revisits women artists and writers whose names – and thus cultural legacies – were lost to marriage. (Fun aside: apparently those classic killjoys the Victorians believed women writing for public consumption was “akin to prostitution”. Just consider The Hex Four your friendly local escorts.)
Babe magnet
So you made some questionable Tinder choices, and turns out an evil witch has given your new girlfriend the face of a pig. Don’t worry, we’ve all been there. But have you considered whether she’s actually just a drunk, shaved bear? Check out the hilarious (but also somewhat horrifying) history of the pig-faced woman here. Although personally, we’d consider taking the pig face if it came with riches, a place in high society, and the ability to shriek wildly at catcallers like those wild boars at the end of Hannibal.
TO THE KRAKEN 🦑
Put your dick away
We’re going for a classic this week – the dick pic. We know you learned this by the time you got to primary school, but in case you need a refresher, here’s a non-exhaustive list of places your cock doesn’t belong, fellas: The street. The bus. An office Zoom call. Your introductory message on a dating app. (Dis)honourable mention to the man who was nonchalantly airing his Prince Albert on Jean Splicer's morning train journey one beautiful spring day.
To be frank, your penis isn’t that pretty, or impressive, and trust us, strangers don’t want to see it. So this week, as Ulrika Jonsson announces she’s quitting Tinder after one too many confrontations with a stranger’s trouser worm, we feel we have no choice but to feed these crimes against our eyesight to Ms K’s interlocking and seemingly endless rows of unspeakable fangs. Lean in a little closer. What’s that grinding noise? Is that... acid dripping from her incisors? And you thought the idea of vagina dentata was scary.
HEX Education
Don’t stress to impress
Feeling stressed? Finding yourself wondering why other people are coping while you’re a quivering blob lying on the sofa and eating blocks of cheese? Allow us to remind you it’s totally fucking normal right now (also: we recommend Creamy Lancashire).
In fact, doing what you want or feel capable of is *actually* helpful for your head. If you like the sound of that, check out this colourful guide from @thepsychologymum which shares some easy wins for your mental health (and no, they don’t involve sourdough starter serfdom or caving into that stalkerish DuoLingo owl. Thank fuck). Basically, if it helps your mental health, do it!
So, how have we HEXers been keeping the fire under our cauldrons burning? Apart from eating Nutella out of the jar and staring moodily out of windows, we're dealing with our stress by having some classic anxiety dreams… themes include progressively shrinking doorways, marrying our friends, and more public defecation than we’d like to admit. Might be time to cut back on all that night cheese.
Ever dreamed of taking a shit in Princes Street Gardens the night before a big work presentation? We dare you to share on our Twitter #hexstressdreams
More things shaving our drunk bears this week:
Polymer clay jewellery handmade in Cornwall | Hysterical Women wants to hear mothers’ experiences | Emojipedia | How women in old movies talk to a dude they just met | All hail the queen of snark, Elizabeth Bennet
The HEX Science team
🧬Jean Splicer | ☢ Marie Fury | 🧠 Rorschach Tess | 🔬 Rosalind Frankly