You beautiful, brilliant musk oxen
And why your foof shouldn't smell like a creamsicle
This week is all about celebrating women. Let’s start with a shout-out to Jackie Weaver, our presiding Queen of the Zoom call and banisher of obnoxious men. We're happy to bend the knee, Jackie.
Today is the International Day of Women and Girls in Science – huzzah! The UN is focusing this year on “Women Scientists at the forefront of the fight against COVID-19.” A good choice, since female experts have been underrepresented in media coverage of the pandemic (we may have called it a ‘sausage fest’), despite playing key roles in vaccine development and public health policy.
Let’s all raise a steaming goblet of something cannily medicinal to the brilliant women scientists battling the pandemic; for starters, mRNA vaccine pioneer Katalin Karikó, NIH immunologist Kizzmekia Corbett, Novovax leader Nita Patel, AstraZeneca’s Sarah Gilbert, and many more.
Plus, Saturday is “The Best Day of the Year” – Galentine’s Day, when we celebrate female friendship in all its forms. Reach out to your favourite women and remind them you love the shit out of them – ovaries before brovaries, guys.
You may notice that all this celebration of women has warmed our stony little hearts, and that we’re feeling uncharacteristically kind. Never fear, dearest hags - our rage and bile will resurface again by next week. But first we’re off to ring our mums.
TIT BITS
Keeping abreast of the latest news, views, and research
Woman’s best friend
An analysis of the factors shaping the co-evolution of humans and dogs suggests women had more influence than the fellas in bringing Fido in from the cold. “Humans were more likely to regard dogs as a type of person if the dogs had a special relationship with women. They were more likely to be included in family life, treated as subjects of affection and generally, people had greater regard for them,” said anthropologist Jaime Chambers. Move over, “man’s best friend”.
Heart health
In the latest installment of “women’s health problems dismissed as ‘hormones’,” the European Society of Cardiology is urging doctors to pay more attention to symptoms of high blood pressure in middle-aged women. While high blood pressure in men is usually picked up and treated, they say, women’s symptoms are too often ascribed to stress or menopause. So if you are over 40, haven’t had your blood pressure checked in a while and want to avoid this kind of diagnostic bollocks, it might be time to pop into your local pharmacy or ask your doctor. Consider this tip our G-Day gift to you.
Friendship is magic
In heartwarming Galentine’s news, it turns out giraffes have besties. Female giraffes who socialise in groups live longer than their more solitary counterparts, according to this brilliant research. The researchers theorise that hanging out in groups may reduce stress, help with spotting predators, make looking after calves easier, and even help the giraffes avoid male harassment. If giraffes had nightclub toilets they would definitely go in pairs. Stick your neck out for a friend today, hags.
TO THE KRAKEN 🦑
Vulva glow ups are going down
Does your vagina smell like a “creamsicle”? Is it exuding pleasant scents of vanilla or clementine? Well, this “intimate care glow up” marketing campaign – aimed at teenage girls – is suggesting that it should. Ms K is most unimpressed. Not only is the campaign unscientific by confusing vulvas and vaginas, it’s peddling the myth that women’s vaginas are smelly and gross and need cleaning (sounds like they need a reminder that vaginas are self-cleaning and should smell like vaginas… and our deepwater fury is happy to remind them). Its messaging that teenage girls should have undercarriages that smell like a sweet shop is creepy AF. Which brings us to another crime against women’s crotches: scented sanitary products. Absolutely fucking not. Our many-tentacled Ms K can multitask as well as the best woman, so vagina washes and their misinformed marketing campaigns, and anything promising to make our foofs smell like flowers, can all enjoy a journey to the murky depths. Plus, let’s be honest. These products are the equivalent of spraying low-end pub toilet air freshener on your holiest of holies. So long and thanks for all the (glade-scented) thrush.
FEMINISTS RUIN EVERYTHING
Park yourself on the couch for some recreation
This month, Netflix UK has been blessed with the arrival of all seven seasons of the truly excellent Parks and Recreation. If you haven’t seen it, settle in for a treat (but please consider skipping season 1, as the second season is when the show really takes off). And if you have, watch it again, tbh. Is the love story between Leslie Knope and Ann Perkins the greatest womance ever told? Probably. This Galentine’s Day, consider complimenting the women in your life like Leslie Knope, a true champion of female friendship:
“Ann, you cunning, pliable, chestnut-haired sunfish.”
“You rainbow-infused space unicorn.”
“You poetic, noble, land mermaid.”
“You beautiful, rule-breaking moth.”
“You opalescent tree shark.”
“You are a beautiful, talented, brilliant musk ox.”
More things reading our standing orders - READING THEM AND UNDERSTANDING THEM - this week:
The secrets behind The Mandalorian’s special effects | The Agar Art Awards | This bizarre sea creature | The women who shaped hip hop | Cute chemistry kit-looking oil burners | Figure skating meets Metallica
The HEX Science team
🧬Jean Splicer | ☢ Marie Fury | 🧠 Rorschach Tess | 🔬 Rosalind Frankly