Have you ever thought about what you'd do during an apocalypse? We have.
We imagined we’d pack up our rucksacks with water and weapons, and set out for God knows where. Or be like Mad Max’s Furiosa, kicking arse with a band of renegade women. Whatever the plan, we thought we’d at least take some control of the situation. We didn't expect a dystopia that, frankly, is as disempowering as shit.
At the time of writing, protestors had stormed Capitol Hill [pause so Margaret Atwood can nod sagely]. Infection rates are scary. Fake news is reaching Orwellian proportions. It has all the hallmarks of something directed by George A. Romero... but we’re having to stay at home with raunchy Regency dramas and leftover Christmas cheese. At least in Shaun of the Dead they were locked in the pub.
So what should you do, dearest hags? You should read HEX. Cos if there is one thing you can rely on from us in 2021, it’s this: a unique combo of good science, feminist opinions and regular fanny puns – at least until the electricity grid breaks down and we’re too busy foraging for mushrooms.
In this issue we call out fad diet bullshit, roll our eyes at PETA, and take dismissive doctors (plus Bean Dad) to the cleaners. So barricade the windows, bunker down, and enjoy. As the world burns around us – and in lieu of a chainsaw shotgun – arm yourself with some science.
No, we don't want to hear about your diet
With the advent of 2021 comes the “new year, new you” mantras and weight-loss BS. Armed with actual science, we round up some of the main offenders and consign them to the fad diet bin. We also recommend some people who speak no-BS when it comes to eating. You’re welcome.
Click here for science and no-BS people
Tit Bits
This myth won’t seem to spoil
The internet let out a collective howl when a campaign from PETA resurfaced AGAIN. Why? Because it claims a link between dairy products and autism – based on a highly unscientific (and discredited!) study that used just 20 participants. What’s more, their claims have already been debunked previously several times. No issue with dairy-free lifestyles, ofc, but the fearmongering and negative portrayal of autism is alarming. Red alert, peeps – don those science hats and be ready to tackle pseudoscience – again.
Pissing contest
Why do people vote for Trump? It's a question that’s been mystifying us for the past 5 years, so you’ll be pleased to hear that science may have the answer! Imagine our surprise at discovering that our old friend the patriarchy plays a starring role. In a study involving 2,000 voters, men and women who endorsed “hegemonic masculinity” – the belief that men should be strong, tough, and dominant – were more likely to be Trump supporters. This narrow view of masculinity was a better predictor of voters’ feelings about Trump than holding sexist, racist or homophobic beliefs.
#checkMEup
A disturbing one this week – a UK woman called Dafina Malovska has told her story of having her womb cancer symptoms dismissed as gluten intolerance and being told to “eat yoghurt”. A trip to a private gynaecologist later revealed a 500g-tumour. But Dafina survived – and has started a petition making a case for yearly women's health check-ups in the UK. There are arguments for and against annual health checks, but either way, make yourself aware of the symptoms of uterine cancer and feel free to throw your Activia in the bin.
What a massive fanny!
No, we're not talking about our PM (ba-dum tish!), but a controversial art installation in Brazil. Artist Juliana Notari said the 33 m scarlet vulva was intended to stir up discussion about the "problematisation of gender", and its implied critique of the government (led by notorious homophobe Jair Bolsanaro) has royally pissed off the far-right – some of whom blame it on the “legalisation of feminism”. Let's be honest, though, it's not the first time right-wingers have been scared of women's crotches...
TO THE KRAKEN 🦑
Getting suckered this week is a raft of miscreants from Twitter
Twitter: a double-edged sword of the modern world. A huge platform to connect with likeminded people also opens the door for trolls, pile-ons, and just frankly annoying or stupid shit. If you’ve encountered these recent offenders, rest easy. Judge K is dispensing swift and merciless justice.
Crimes against sanitary items: Enter defendant “Tampon guy”, who declared a cartoon tampon obscene due to the “implication of bodily fluids” and an “overly suggestive” curve of the string, to the derision of the internet. Judge K declares his views obscene.
Crimes against parenting and teaching: Next up is “Bean Dad”, with his almost boastful 23-tweet thread on how he “taught” his hungry daughter to open a can of beans – by leaving her to battle with it for 6 hours. He has since apologised, but Judge K still wants to teach him a thing or two...
Crimes against being a decent f*cking human being: Journalist X stands before our betentacled judge for reasons that, for our legal protection, we can’t disclose. But let's just say that it involved continuing to double-down on public threats to “finish” someone, even after they disclosed their mental health struggles. Judge K has no mercy for bullies.
FEMINISTS RUIN EVERYTHING
The coven discuss what we’re reading, watching, loving, and loathing
Marie Fury asks: is Jilly Cooper’s 80s bonkbuster “Riders” still a fine filly or a tired old nag?
I’d heard that this horsey bestseller, set in the elite world of showjumping, got the… er… hearts of many a young woman fluttering when it was released in 1985. It’s even listed as one of the BBC’s “100 Novels That Shaped the World”. Tier Four-ed and bored, I decided to give this (in)famous tale of stirrups and shagging a go.
To give Cooper her due, this was one of the first mainstream books to depict women enjoying sex and having orgasms. So kudos to her for that. And the central plot about the rivalry betwixt psychopathic posho Rupert Campbell-Black and gipsy horse whisperer Jake Lovell was entertaining enough (although it could have ended about 300 pages earlier IMO).
Overall, though, the book has aged about as well as the Sony Walkman.
I expected the non-stop sexism and misogyny. Even characters portrayed as “good guys” variously cheat, treat their wife as a cash-dispenser-come-skivvy, scream at a teenager for not “putting out”, and rape a friend’s wife (I’m not sure this was the healthiest place to get your sexual awakening, even in the 80s)
But what really jumped out at me was the relentless (and very boring) fat-shaming. In Cooper’s world, anyone over 9 stone is a fat lump, therefore, pathetically grateful for any male attention. For at least one prominent character, being fat and grateful is basically her ENTIRE PERSONALITY. Her weight is constantly mentioned, even when it’s completely irrelevant to the plot. At a cocktail party? Her jacket won’t close over her overweight boobs. Having sex with her husband? He’s mentally noting her “bulk”. Walking around her kitchen? Her hefty frame keeps bumping into things. Waving her husband off on tour? She promises him she’ll lose weight. Husband cheats? It’s because she’s fat. Nearly dead after a suicide attempt? At least she’s lost some weight! It is EXHAUSTING.
Obviously, the book is a product of its time. But given that recent interviews feature Cooper decrying “this MeToo rubbish” and (yet again) banging on about people’s weight, I’m not inclined to give her the benefit of the doubt in any decade.
Verdict: It’s time to put this past-it pony out to pasture.
More things stroking our fetlocks this week:
20 recipes that defined 2020 | Reading an account of living like an astronaut for months in isolation | This Grimes track | An article comparing menstrual cycle hormones to Beyoncé and Miranda Priestly
The HEX Science team
🧬Jean Splicer | ☢ Marie Fury | 🧠 Rorschach Tess | 🔬 Rosalind Frankly